my dad’s strength
As the weeks have progressed, I can’t say it has been easier without my dad. All I can say is that it has been an adjustment. The craziness has died down, but the emptiness in my home is just so obvious. There are so many things that I want to tell him. There are even more things that I just want to ask him.
He really was my go-to guy. Whenever my car needed wind-shield wiper fluid I would pretend that I didn’t know how to do it so he could teach me for the umpteenth time. He was the one who reminded me over and over again to put my new insurance card in my car. He was the one who would stay up late for me no matter what time of the night I came home. He was just a great dad and I don’t think there is any other way to put it.
That being said, I want to shed some light on some of the things that my dad struggled with. Being that he went through 9/11 it affected him in ways that I don’t think I could always wrap my mind around. As I grew up, he had explained to me that he suffered from PTSD, along with anxiety and depression. I was able to comprehend it more as I got older, but that day had a lasting impact on him.
PTSD is very serious, and I think that living with someone who suffered with it has made me and my family more sensitive in certain ways. My dad definitely lived with many of the symptoms that comes along with having PTSD such as having trouble sleeping, outbursts, and feeling guilty. My dad managed his PTSD the best that he knew how. It just sucks looking back and thinking that if 9/11 didn’t happen he wouldn’t have had to battle the negative thoughts that he experienced.
Even though he experienced this trauma he was very positive in ways that had always kept me going. He always told me and my sister to never to give up and to not quit on projects that we have started. My dad always preached that things could always be worse (not my favorite saying, but it is true). My dad had also taught us to start the day off right by making our beds. This was something that he learned in the Marine Corps; he was very disciplined. I miss him nagging me to make my bed and not making it so he would do it for me.
Despite the symptoms that he had to live with on a daily basis, he always found ways to keep himself and my family motivated. I am someone who is very sensitive, and my dad always saw that in me. Whenever I would get upset, he would try to teach me to have thicker skin and to not let everything bother me and I think that is something that I can always carry with me.
I obviously had to learn that the effects of 9/11 are not just mental but physical as well. My dad is the definition of a fighter because he could have just sat back and let it overtake him. I will never begin to understand a fraction of what he saw and had to endure on that day, but I can’t give him enough credit for trying to move forward each day. Even the day that my dad received his diagnosis, he told me “I’ll never give up the fight” and that’s something I will always remember. I admire that he always pushed through the bad days and tried his best to never let it hold him back.
It is really important to share that my dad had to fight to be mentally strong. It is also so critical for people to be aware that 9/11 was not just one day, especially for the families of the survivors. I did have to watch my dad experience some bad days, but it never took away from what kind of dad he was. My dad always participated in me and my sister’s lives, and his life with my mom, and his own personal life. He kept on going whether it was going out to dinner with his friends, or volunteering with Toys for Tots, or going to watch my sister cheer at a basketball game.
My point is that it is really important to be sensitive to those who are living with PTSD or any kind of mental illness. I think as a family we did our best to hold it together and to understand why my dad would be having a bad day. As always, I wish there could have been something that I could have done to take away my dad’s pain. I will always admire that my dad faced everything head on and that he did it so fearlessly.
here’s to my dad’s unwavering strength and for never giving up even on the worst days…
