borrowed time

My dad being a first responder to the attacks on 9/11 has had great effects on my family for the last 18+ years. As I have mentioned in previous posts, he suffered from a plethora of medical conditions both physical and mental. Unfortunately, these manageable medical conditions escalated to stage IV pancreatic cancer in September of 2019. This was a viscous cancer, one with no cure and is often found too late to be managed. But when my dad received his diagnosis there was this notion that my dad was living on borrowed time.

It is a scary reality to think that me and my sister could have lost our dad at the ages of 5 and 8 and we wouldn’t have been able to know him at all. If my dad’s fire house was called in earlier on that day, 343 firefighters lost could easily have been 344. We were blessed to have my dad come home on that day. If he was taken from us, he would have never been there to see our dance recitals, watch us cheer, take us to Yankee games, move us into our college dorms, or see us graduate.

I don’t think that I would be able to wrap my mind around the thought of not having my dad come home on that day. Life as I know it would be drastically different. That being said, the outsiders fail to see (and I mean the lawyers and the government) is that my dad left a huge piece of himself at ground zero. Him along with other first responders searched for months on end for people’s brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, friends, and spouses. My dad always said he would have done it all over again if he had to.

Maybe my dad was living on borrowed time for the past 18 years, but guess what? 18 years is not enough and never will be. They were all told that the air was fine to breathe and guess what again? It wasn’t. They were not wearing proper gear and as a result breathed in a cocktail of toxic dust all the way from jet fuel to concrete. Even kids my age who returned to school just weeks later are now being diagnosed with cancer and respiratory issues.

But the thing here is that we can’t go back and change the past. We as Americans and New Yorkers have bounced back from that day and became strong and resilient. However, there are thousands of people and families who are still living that day over and over again. My family had to relive that day all over again on every anniversary and we lived it all over again when we learned that my dad’s cancer was a direct result of him breathing in the toxic dust. It infuriates me that for 18 years my dad has been trying to be compensated for the medical injuries that he sustained and every step along the way was a battle.

We say “Never Forget” when we think of 9/11 but I simply feel that we forget that there are first responders and civilians who are now living with cancer and other medical conditions. The fact that there even had to be a fight to get the James Zadroga Act extended is despicable to me. My dad’s cancer might not have shown up until 18 years later, but the fact of the matter is, he risked his life to save others and it needs to be acknowledged by the senators and politicians who vote to pass these bills.

Right now, we see the corona virus taking over our country. This virus doesn’t discriminate on age, race, gender, or status. It is a very deadly virus and we are seeing lives being lost by the minute. Now our first responders who have underlying medical conditions from 9/11 are at an even greater risk for this virus. I hope that everyone is practicing social distancing during this time.

These past 4 ½ months have been a rollercoaster of emotions as we all adjust to life without my father. I will always be grateful for my dad come home to us on that day, but we were robbed of him living a long life with us. As a result of this day, my dad never got to learn about my first job, he will never walk me and my sister down the aisle, and he will never be able to hold my kids. All I can focus on now is raising awareness that first responders are still becoming sick and they need the best care and deserve everything and more for the sacrifices that they made.

here’s to the first responders who have made the ultimate sacrifice on that day…