happiness again…
It is still weird to not come home to my dad hanging out on the same spot on the couch. Going to a reservation and saying “for 3” instead of “for 4” is still strange. My dad isn’t on his iPad watching YouTube when I come down for my late-night snack. Me, my sister, and mom are all still adjusting. Everything happened so quickly, which still makes it hard to process everything. Between now and the time my dad went into the hospital, time just seems to be going faster than I ever thought it could.
I have been receiving amazing responses to my blog posts which has been really rewarding. It is comforting to know that me and my family aren’t alone in this journey and that other people can relate to my dad’s story. Lori Berlin from the Ray Pfeifer Foundation has been absolutely awesome by sharing my posts on their social media platforms. This led me to an amazing opportunity to go on Q104.3 to interview with Shelli Sonstein. I immediately knew that this was something that I wanted to do and knew my sister would be on board with the idea.
The day we went to interview with Shelli was one of the best days that I have had since my father’s passing. I have learned that moments of true happiness are possible, even if it only comes in small waves.
The morning of the interview we drove to Rescue 5 in Staten Island. My dad worked in this fire house for 9 years. He loved working in a rescue company, I knew during this time that he was a chauffeur and was absolutely obsessed with driving the fire truck. Even after he retired, whenever I was in his Tahoe with him, he would say “248 to Brooklyn K” and start making siren noises and would pretend that he was driving the fire truck. It was embarrassing, but I loved it.
Family assistance drove us from Rescue 5 to iHeartRadio. Shelli was warm, friendly, and empathetic towards me and my family. Shelli truly wants the people who her listening to her show to know that the first responders who are getting sick are more than just a number. They are real people who breathed in toxic chemicals at Ground Zero who are now living with the after math of that day. What is happening is an epidemic and people need to be aware that even though 9/11 happened 18 years ago, that that day is still affecting first responders and their families.
It was amazing for me and my sister to share our story with Shelli. It will be aired on Q104.3 on 1/26 on Sunday morning. Having that opportunity made me realize that my voice needs to be used to create awareness of what is happening. It also makes me feel like I am making my dad proud. He suffered from that day emotionally, mentally, and physically. Knowing that I can share his story and his heroism makes me feel like I am doing the right thing.
After we left iHeartRadio we went back to Rescue 5. I didn’t expect to stay there as long as we did, but I was so happy to do so. It smelled exactly the way I remembered when I would go there as a kid. My dad always brought me, my sister, and my cousins there. There was this sense of nostalgia about hanging out in the place that my dad worked at work at for nearly a decade. It was even nicer to talk to some of the guys that my dad worked with. There were two guys there that knew my dad and I cherished every moment of hearing them share stories about my dad.
It was even cooler to see my dad’s name on a plaque for Meritorious Awards. His name was sketched on the plaque, “FF Richard Estreicher Voluntary Duty Service Rating A May 18, 1992.” It was even more awesome to see the pictures of guys he knew and worked with. We were even able to find a picture of my dad hanging up on the wall. I felt like a little kid again hanging around the fire house and even asking to go in the fire truck. I haven’t spent time in a fire house in a long time, but I felt my dad around me the whole time that I was there.
This journey for the past two months has been more difficult than I ever could have imagined. I never thought life would be this way. Time is the most precious thing that we have, and I unfortunately had to learn that in a very difficult way. If I knew my days on this earth would be so limited with my father, I probably would have done a few things differently. I know I have to go forward and I’m choosing to do that by sharing his story of being a first responder to 9/11 and telling people the kind of guy he was.
My dad was the kind of guy to drop everything when someone needed help. He is a hero through and through and I know that because of the acts of service he has done throughout his life. One time, me and my family were driving to Myrtle Beach. We saw a bad car accident happen in front of us. My dad pulled over to the side of the interstate and then proceeded to help get two civilians out of their over turned vehicle. And again, that’s just the kind of guy he was.
My dad might not be here physically to see me, or my sister achieve everything that he worked so hard for us to have, but I know that he is watching and listening to everything. Having the opportunity to share my dad’s story on one of the biggest radio stations in New York and hanging out in his old fire house brought me joy that I haven’t felt since the day he went into the hospital. My life is always going to be different without him here. Now that I know that I am capable of having those moments, even if it’s for a small window of time to feel closest to him again, I will without a doubt, be holding those moments closest to my heart.
Here’s to the amazing firefighters at Rescue 5 and Shelli Sonstein at Q104.3…
